Glad she's home

Stephanie comes in tonight, that is something I am very glad about. Separation does make the heart grow fonder. I hope that I hold on to how I feel about her now and try to be that way all the time.

She did so much to make sure everything was ok with the house while I was in san Francisco that I want to do something special for her to show her how much I appreciate her.

it really is a blessing to have someone like her in my life. I am sure without a doubt that she is the best thing that ever happened to me.

I love you Stephanie and I am so glad you are coming home. I promise to do everything I can to make your new life as wonderful as you have made mine.

The wedding parable

The wedding parable disturbed me a little, because there seemed something too harsh about it. All the murder and burning of villages.

When I though about it more, and maybe this is some projection going on, I think about it more passively. Parables are codes so maybe it is a code for a group of constructs that are all internal anyway.

Life has a calling and opportunities, commonly we overlook those opportunities because we are focused on ourselves. That's what makes us selfish.

If you are wise enough to recognize opportunities to become part of the human family and contribute to its positive aspects you can avoid a fate of being bound and gnashing of teeth.

the gnashing of teeth part really touches me for some reason because I can see in my minds eye someone alone in the dark, bound in the restraints of their own limitations, grinding there teeth alone and afraid of what they had done or left undone.

maybe i should be scared of the dreams

I have been having a lot of dreams lately, I wonder if that is why I have been handling the change pretty well.

One dream I know was about a new home and another was about making friends with someone I work with. So it seems that at least something is playing out in my head.

One of the dreams was pretty intense and I am actually kind of suprised that as I experienced the dream i didnt feel any fear.

Really, hypocrisy and Cynicism and Schitzophrenia

I have already started drinking again, how lame. Although I haven't been drinking very much and I hope to not go back to my drinking of liquor. Stephanie says its ok for me to have a beer a day, for health only. Human beings have been drinking beer for longer than they have done any other drug, so it must be ok right?

I am going to just hang back at my new job, what schitzofrenia it was today. They don't trust me yet so I guess I am going to just have to wait until they want my help to say anything.

Cronyism

I wonder if the cronyism that the Myers nomination represents will be the issue in question. It seems like bush doesn't know how to hire someone unless they are from Texas. Only when his house is burning does he even seem to care what the people may want from his appointees.

I think what he should have done is go to the senate judiciary committee and get their input and preferably some buy in.

I have an image in my brain of him eating corn flakes in the morning with his wife. Her saying "darln why don't you hire a woman" and his reply, "heh heh, what about ol no mess Myers".

It must be nice to be from Texas and a friend of the bushies.

It looks like they accepted our last offer, I am a little miffed because I feel like they basically extorted more from us but ultimately I am happy with the outcome. The place is awesome and I really look forward to making it my home and raising a family there.

So let's hope this was all worth it.

Hypocrisy

I am a little irked about the owner not taking our offer, I do love the place but I think we got too excited by it. If he doesn't take this offer we are going to have to walk away from the deal I am afraid.

I am going to San Diego this weekend, I really miss Stephanie and I am glad I am going to get to hang out with her. Not drinking is a little weird though, we are going to the red fox room and I usually get bombed there, change is always interesting.

It hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be to stop though, I miss it some but it is totally doable. It is just going to be different in social situations.

Not drinking has made me feel more in control of myself though, if anything that may be the best benefit. I think that's why people get tattoos or become vegans sometimes. Making the change may have some health benefits but I think more importantly it means that you are controlling your body.

I don't think I will stop drinking for ever but I do think I will stop for at least this month. Let's see.

Moving Back To Bay Area

Well here we go. We are going back to the Bay Area. I really hated my job in San Diego, and Stephanie and I have always talked about being closer to her sister, so we decided to move back.

We found a great house in the Montcair area, and we really beleive this will be our dream home.

I really like my new job, they seem to be very smart there.

kindof missing something

that is a lame analysis, but kindof missing something is exactly right. I
guess I have been working really hard on the weekends, phyiscally. Maybe
that has created some weird chemical thing. I sould be rocking because its
spring, and I am usually pretty jazzed in spring. Not the case.

I have *absolutely* no reason to feel this way, my life is perfect.

So I have been making art on the side, along with the million things I have
to do. I don't know if its helping, but I odddly feel compelled. The last
thing I did was a puppet movie with a character who is a kind of luddite.

http://www.newobjectivity.com/downloads/majik_realist.mpg

kauron:

1
what we see in the natural world is pure magic, and it is all we need to
both survive and thrive. all else is a struggle of the tricked senses.

2
commonly today men struggle needlessly, hungry for the next fad gadget that
will at last make them happy. this is the falacy of the technological
promise.

3
ah fuast there you go again, hungry for your meager transatory gifts of
fragging another victim for your pitful self gratification as a warrior
when you have no bravery to face death. You *are* the best virtual warrior
at 2am on a staurday night in fragcell59, congrats on your noble
accomplishment fool. you might as well just have devolved and be eating raw
meat off a bone for all the distance you have traveled since savagery.

4
the natural majik offers us an escape from the escape, truth, yes it it
bueatful,yet seduces not to the falsehoods of the workaday techno-struggle
but to a lover that will not lie to you after the sweet wispers and pillow
talk are finished.

5
your machines are false insurance from the will of the energy forces
flowing through the earth. there are sick energy lines that bisect all
things and if a cat or a dog sleeps on them, and is not astute, it will
fall sick, just as the earth under it is sick, and they will die. the only
way to cure the earth of this sickness is to use bamboo poles, and to
surgically remove the parts that make the earth sick.

6
not an easy task.

7
that's why I shun today's obsession with neato gadgeto, because I can see
what the world is *really* like, because I am not drunk on your pension
funds, stock exchanges and governments of City Tranport Athorities.

8
this reality, without the synthetic simulacra, withought the baubbles and
the flashing lights, and the natural secrets that she presents to us, is
the way to our future. A future where we survive instead as enlightened
humans instead of becomeing radioactive freak mutants, or cyborg ghosts.

9
our future, a future where we trancend and evolve to enlightment requires
that we throw off the yoke of the technological falacy.

New Movie From Clay: Kauron, The Majik Realist

If you got this more than once I am sorry, I had some problems when I tried
to send it out. I just made a puppet movie, its all the rage now ya know:

http://www.newobjectivity.com/downloads/majik_realist.mpg

This is the first installement in a series that will utimately lead to
puppets debating cybernetics, maybe there will be a fist fight.Anyway
enjoy.

Clay

--------

kauron:

1
what we see in the natural world is pure magic, and it is all we need to
both survive and thrive. all else is a struggle of the tricked senses.

2
commonly today men struggle needlessly, hungry for the next fad gadget that
will at last make them happy. this is the falacy of the technological
promise.

3
ah fuast there you go again, hungry for your meager transatory gifts of
fragging another victim for your pitful self gratification as a warrior
when you have no bravery to face death. You *are* the best virtual warrior
at 2am on a staurday night in fragcell59, congrats on your noble
accomplishment fool. you might as well just have devolved and be eating raw
meat off a bone for all the distance you have traveled since savagery.

4
the natural majik offers us an escape from the escape, truth, yes it it
bueatful,yet seduces not to the falsehoods of the workaday techno-struggle
but to a lover that will not lie to you after the sweet wispers and pillow
talk are finished.

5
your machines are false insurance from the will of the energy forces
flowing through the earth. there are sick energy lines that bisect all
things and if a cat or a dog sleeps on them, and is not astute, it will
fall sick, just as the earth under it is sick, and they will die. the only
way to cure the earth of this sickness is to use bamboo poles, and to
surgically remove the parts that make the earth sick.

6
not an easy task.

7
that's why I shun today's obsession with neato gadgeto, because I can see
what the world is *really* like, because I am not drunk on your pension
funds, stock exchanges and governments of City Tranport Athorities.

8
this reality, without the synthetic simulacra, withought the baubbles and
the flashing lights, and the natural secrets that she presents to us, is
the way to our future. A future where we survive instead as enlightened
humans instead of becomeing radioactive freak mutants, or cyborg ghosts.

9
our future, a future where we trancend and evolve to enlightment requires
that we throw off the yoke of the technological falacy.

just now in the lazyboy

well it id pretty amazing, after having a wireless hub for about two
years I am finally sitting in my lazy boy typing up an entry into my
blog. i think i will hae a hard time getting used to typing in this way,
it is a little hard. stephanie seems to like it though she was looking
into a recipe while watching the food network, that was something never
did before.

I made a deal with a freind to paint a painting and exchange it with him
within the next month.We already agreed on the basic size and attributes
of the painting, I will be painting a cuttlefish or a squid.

lets see what comes of it.

the cafe

Sam owned the cafe, it was his day to day. Sam sat there in his little
carved out space, selling expresso and flavored coffee drinks, watching
her. She gave him hope that this was not the entirety of his destiny.
Watching her sip her mocha, sweet chocolate touching her rid lips. but her
affection were contested. rod was a nice guy from the college, studying
communications, he sold futons from his apartment and sometimes
contemplated suicide.

When Rod asked for coffee he would order it black so he could see if Sam
spit in it, or worse. They had a clear rivalry, and everyone knew it.
People would sit outside the cafe for hours and talk and laugh about the
two of them and what nonsense they had done to each other lately. Most of
all she knew it.

Becka was one of those girls who wore here smarts, and I mean smarts like
hurts, as fasion. He wit, and cutting nature was a clear indication that
she had a strong sense of self worth. The compitition between Sam and Rod
meerly reinforced that she was wanted.

dj spooky, that subliminal kid

I just read that dj spooky is doing some collaboration with negitiveland. I
really love this guy, he is doing one thing that I wish more noise people
would do, bring in the beats. Ya know public enemy had the right idea when
they said "bring the noise" to rap, now I think nois bands should do the
oipposite and "bring the beats".

dj spooky, that subliminal kid

strange interview

Yesterday I was on the hiring side of a strange interview. Basically a
person that once interviewed me and passed on hiring me, was sitting across
the table from me getting interviewed for a position.

Now this guy was a founder of the company I interviewed at, basically he
was the CTO, and I would have been working for him, so this had to be a
major step down for him in both pay and status because he was being
interviewed for a basic developer position.

The funny thing is that when I asked the recruiter why he didn't want to
hire me the response was, "He believed that you would have conflicts with
his approach and style.", so this was interesting because as soon as I
figured out who this guy was, which ws in the middle of the interview, I
had to ask him directly what made him think we still wouldn't have
conflicts.

There is cosmic justice I would say, this renews my faith in that.

I hope he isn't hired, I had a feeling he was right in the first place.

back to normal life

I am a little aprehensive about starting back to work, not because I don't
like to work but because I am worried that its going to be a clusterfuck.
hopefully I am wrong.

I had a dream about being in the military, it was some sort of thing I
thought would be good for me to teach me the things I never learned like
obeying authority or maybe physical stuff like marching. Like I had missed
out on some kind of learning experience. In the dream I quit it though,
chalking it up as a bad idea that clearly didn't match up with my value
system.

That's kindof the way I think of it waking too. I like to learn about the
military, even historical stuff, but I think the lifestyle just doesn't
match up with my value system.

skimpermods

I am writing a new story, its based on a concept that I had where people
generate electricty because we have used up all the other forms like gas
and coal.

The idea is about a simple woman named Candy who has a dream to go to a
place that has more light. In the world of Skin everyone has genetic skin
problems they call dermaforms, and hers makes her need to use light lamps
so she can generate B2.

Anyway she has a stupid boyfriend "Vince", who likes to were trendy suites
powered by his generator bike, called a "skimper".

I will make it available when its done.

welcome 2005

Well we got back from Paris and now we must face reality. I really believe
that 2005 is going to be a better year. I recognize that this year I really
want to be more creative. This will include more work on Skin I think,
which I don't expect to finish this year even. (4 years so far), but at
least I should have a significant addition done.

I just added myself to boar.com's mailing list. mark is an inspiration too, he always has been. I miss playing d&d with him.

paris, redux to disillusion

well I tried to explain to stephanie that paris is not the best place to go in europe. it has this reputation, because all the history, but if you compare it to even NYC it doesn't hold a light.

one thing was suprising, I was expecting everyone to be really rude, because we were americans (which has happened to me before in paris), but most people were pretty understanding and kind. Basicall I tried to speak basic french to them and nod and point the rest, I guess that helped a little too.

we went on this boat trip, and although it sounds cheesy it really was better than fighting hoards of people at the attractions such as the louve, although it was really cold I could just take cool shots on the deck of a boat. that is superior.



Christophe and daisy were mega slow, I know it takes time to adjust to thier "rhythm", but it is hard when you have a travel agenda to just wait and wait, that's why I want to travel before we have a child, it will alter our "rhythm".

the next day we went to pompidou, which is my favorite thing to do in paris. i really love mid century art, and so does my wife, so walking through the halls made me think about deconstruction projects I would like to start. I got some good pictures of the outside while waiting in the wrong line, and then again after we were done in the museum.

iluminated brussles

Brussles was quite nice on Christmas night. They illuminated the gran plas
with lights and lasers, while playing some sort of ambient music right out
of a Phillip Glass Opera. Daisy was wrong, it was worth seeing.







We had alot of fun in Brussles with Daisy, she even told us some secrets
about Christophe. I think people all over the world have hang ups, its what
make us human.

Anyway I feel good about installing firefox on thier computer, at first
they were reluctant, "this (IE) is what I know". It was very easy to
convence them, all I had to say was "Microsoft is America, Mozilla is the
world" and they bought into it. I guess I feel a little guilty manipulating
them based on thier prejududice about America but they are so rightous it
was easy.

I love European culture, I really do, but it is amazing how little reality
really bears on how they see the world. Science and objective thought is of
little importance thier conclusions about the world. They are as liberal as
they come, as long as it suites them. Daisy was going on and on about a
waterless toilet, and how using water and electricty pollutes the earth,
yet they use disposable plastic coffee makers and disposable diapers, dish
washer, etc. "It was already installed, if I remove it will cause more
pollution". They critisize people who are "closed to new ides", yet seem as
closed as anyone (including me).

Incredible hipocracy. I guess they probably see us the same way though, so
I shouldn't judge too much.

I feel bad that I have these feelings, they have been such great hosts, but
this is my blog, I will say what I want. I do love them both very much, I
just now know that Americans aren't the only people who choose not to
think, prejudice and limits to ones willingness to see that which is
unfamilliar is as human as art or language. I think I am one of those
people though whose politics doesn't match up with the talking points
common in todays world politics.

I appeciate Daisy and Christophe regardless of my internal disagreements
with thier perspective. They have been very kind to us in every way.

longest dinner ever

The Christmas dinner we had at Christophes parent was the longest I have
ever had. The main course was 2 hours later than the first course which was
excellent even though Stephanie didn't like it (salmon). I have never had a
dinner that long and the southern way is to be long so we were made to look
as though we were board, I guess we were.

we had a very good christmas day though, after lunch of deer, which is a
special Beligian dinner we had a very nice walk through the streets of
Liediekerke.

We are going to gran plas tonight to enjoy the illumination which according
to Daisy isn't as much as it sounds.

I think we will have rabbit tomarrow.

rebel frameworks

It is starting to become apparent that people are tired of the complexity
of J2EE. Here is a good article concerning rebel frameworks.

Java rebel frameworks touted